Physical vs Mental Pain

Each day I learn new things about myself and my family. I internalize everything and am constantly trying to figure out why and how things are the way they are. For instance, the reasons why one of my children is easy going and obedient, while another can be pessimistic and obstinate when given the same situation continues to baffle me, but I ponder it often. I do the same with my struggle with depression. I try to figure out what my triggers are, so I can either avoid them or at least know what might happen if it's something I can't avoid. I think deeply. . . about just about everything. I try to figure people out. I try to figure out meanings behind actions or inactions. I analyze movie and TV characters and the messages the movies or shows are trying to convey.

During some introspection today I realized that in my experience with depression that the symptoms are most often physical. Sometimes the physical symptoms outweigh the mental/emotional symptoms. It's like my brain doesn't want to think about the pain or sadness anymore, but it doesn't just go away, it has to go somewhere. So, I get tired (the most common symptom, I think), or I get a headache, a sore back, or even sores in my mouth or on my hands. Other symptoms could be sore feet, a stomach ache, or cold symptoms.

Today I was worrying about some friends that are going through a really tough time and the more I thought about it, the harder it was for me to stand up, the more tired I got, and my head started hurting. I finally decided that I needed to come lay down, as pushing through it didn't seem likely.

Realizing how connected my mind and body is makes me think that taking care of my body better might help my body and mind feel better. I know this conclusion has already been made by professionals and research has been done, but sometimes having a personal experience is the only way I really learn some things. I have known for a long time that exercising and eating right helps keep my symptoms from being as bad. I haven't really understood it at this level before today though. It's unfortunate that my illness makes those things very difficult for me to do. I did exercise today, but eating right is much harder for me to do. I love food. I eat when I am happy, but I eat more when I'm sad. I love to bake, so I eat cookies and cakes and deliciously bad for me things in large quantities when I am depressed, which apparently, ironically, is one of the worst things I can do to treat the symptoms!

I would love to hear what kind of things have worked for you! For now, I think I'm going to take a nap. Even typing this was exhausting!