Life is Worth Living

You wouldn't think that being in a car accident would save your life, but that is what happened to me!
In June, 2015 I was on my way to get our 8-year-old from an activity he had been at. I was supposed to be there at noon, but I never made it (don't worry, his dad went and got him). Just a mile or so away from my house, a car slammed into the side/back of my van, spinning me around so I was facing on-coming traffic. I sat there stunned and terrified, just cringing while I waited to be hit again. When I finally opened my eyes (at least, I think they were shut?), I realized that we had ended up in the median and there was little traffic, allowing other cars to avoid us. When I composed myself enough to ask my other three children if they were okay, I was so grateful and a little bit amazed that none of us had been injured. That's when I realized how scared I was during that second or two between the time the car hit us and I realized that it was over. I was afraid I was going to die. . . and I wasn't ready! I was a little bit surprised by this feeling. Dealing with depression for so many years, I thought I would be grateful to die young and be removed from the daily struggle of getting up in the morning and the mental and physical pain that comes with the disease.
Not long after this happened, I had a "bad patch" where the depression had really taken a hold of every aspect of my life. I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I couldn't make or keep plans. Cooking and cleaning were too much to handle. I somehow managed to do my school work for the one online class I was in, but it was difficult. I would be lying if I said that I didn't think about suicide. But I had something that I didn't have before. I had that 'near-death-experience' that made me realize that deep down I didn't want to die! As sad and difficult and downright exhausting as my life experience was at the time, I knew that I still wanted to experience it. It instilled in me the fight that I needed to keep going; the fight that I might not have had in me if I hadn't been in that car accident. It brought me closer to the Savior. Even though I don't completely understand it, I know that my Savior has experienced everything that I was going through, and I've managed to fight my way out of dark days before. I could do it again. And I wanted to!
There was no magical moment or experience that got me out of my slump; there never is. I gradually just realized that it was easier to get out of bed, life took a bit less effort, and I was a better wife and mom. It's happened before, and I knew it would happen again.
I'm not sure why I had to get in an accident to figure it out, but I do know that car accident saved me. I got to start over, in a matter of speaking. My van was totaled, so I got a new van and new car seats for the kids. More importantly, I discovered how important my life was and how much I wanted it to continue!